JOURNEY OF EMPATHY

Empathy has no script. There is no right way or wrong way to do it. It’s simply listening, holding space, withholding judgment, emotionally connecting, and communicating that incredibly healing message of ‘You’re not alone.’ Brené Brown

Have you wondered about the intrinsic feeling within human beings that brings about a diverse set of people together, irrespective of age, gender, economic or financial status, etc. This is usually seen during disasters – natural or man-made. This is what we call empathy. It is an almost instinctive response to an unpleasant event tormenting a fellow human. An ability to understand another person’s feelings / emotions by allowing oneself to see and feel things from the other person’s point of view. In the earlier article (Empathy & Its Challenges), we tried to define empathy and reviewed the challenges some face in developing it.

Modern living with the advancement of technology has increased the ability to harness more resources to bring more comfort to daily life. However, it also had a flip side - individualism. Society has seen a fair rise in the majority moving towards an individualistic society and drifting away from the community living that governed from time immemorial. The identity of individualism is not the issue, but it’s mere focus on self-centredness. This took away the joy of feeling empathy as the focus moved from the larger context to the self alone. Sometimes, feeling empathy for another could also mean feeling distressed at witnessing their pain. However, empathy is overcoming it to help reach out. Most research points out that empathy is the prime factor in motivating people to engage in altruistic or pro-social behaviour. Some ways we can develop, and practice empathy are as follows.

Ways to develop and practice empathy:

Listening

Listening – though a very simple activity, it is also the most difficult to exercise. It is an active action. Effective listening is more than listening to words being spoken. It is also listening to the emotions accompanying the words – some explicit but others more implicit or subtle. It is listening to the whole ordeal of the person. Empathetic listening involves paying attention to what is said, what is not said, the choice of words used, the tone, and the body language. Many times, you don’t even have to respond but only need to listen attentively to communicate empathy.

Personalizing

A name is probably the most unique and personal thing to one’s identity. When you use a person’s name to address them, it creates a sense of familiarity and warmth. This encourages them to open-up and be more comfortable, enabling the rapport to be built quickly. It also helps to make the person feel connected to the listener and hence experience empathy. This should be the starting point of an empathetic conversation.

Validating (their opinion/perspective)

Empathizing with people who do not share one’s beliefs or opinions maybe difficult but need not be. Respecting the right of a person to have their own opinion is a healthy way of pursuing their wellbeing despite your disagreement with their belief system. To understand a person deeply, it is necessary to understand the belief system that shapes the way they think, feel, and respond. Validation is not agreeing with them but acknowledging their ideas or beliefs while also holding on to your own ideas and beliefs.

Probing (to clarify)

Probing is a skill that can either make one feel empathized and understood, or it can even make one feel intruded. The way one does the probing is very important. It has to be sensitive while asking meaningful questions that assure the person that they are being listened to and hence being cared. Probing must be gentle and not intimidating. Asking valid questions helps one to eliminate any assumptions. Some examples are “How do you feel about it?” “Tell me more,” “Why do you think he/she said that” “How do you want to do this?” etc. These questions intend only to understand a person’s world in a more profound manner and this kind of engagement demonstrates empathy.

Empowering

Empathizing is empowering as it enables one to explore possibilities towards a healthy outcome for the person they care for as well as arrive at resolutions for themselves. It provides effective insight and guidance to help the person to move or to grow further. It is not fixing something for them. It is empowering the other. It is helping them to overcome their own challenges by themselves, if not directing their paths towards it.

Benefits in showing empathy

Self-awareness

Healthy conversations that are empathetic in nature, require a certain amount of self-awareness and self-evaluation. Tough primarily it is about another person or situation, it also affects the one who is empathetic towards them. One learns more about oneself, one’s own situation, and the reactions/ responses towards it. This also helps one to check if they are too emotionally invested in the other person to the point of burning out and practice effective self-care.

Purposeful Living

When empathy is shared with another human being, it touches a deeper part within. Empathy cannot be shown to get it in return or with other motives, otherwise it ceases to be empathy. It is a genuine and voluntary act to care and embrace another human being, especially in their pain. For the empathetic person, it connects with the larger purpose of life. They find happiness in doing something beyond themselves. It gives pleasure and joy beyond what materialistic things can provide. It offers meaning to one’s living and gives purpose to life in its own way.

So, let's make empathy our guide in re-building our relationships, re-building our purposes and re-building mankind; in turning someone’s life around. For, “Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” – Leo Buscaglia

Posted: 3 years, 5 months ago

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